(“What’s your ideal PB&J?”) 

“First you gotta get yourself some bread. Any bread works as long as it’s white and fresh and really soft. Then you spread crunchy (Skippy) on one slice and smooth on the other so the jelly doesn’t soak in and make the bread soggy. Then you put a good amount of jelly on one of the slices and spread it. I like a little more jelly than peanut butter, it’s all about the balance. Then you cut the crusts off and cut it into 1/4s diagonally. Then you serve with Cheetos and an ice-cold Coke and maybe a pickle.”