Each year as January begins and the month is consumed with resolutions and diets, a lingering holiday begins to make its appearance, Valentine’s Day.

I’m not one to be extremely pessimistic, but this year when I saw a post about Valentine’s Day in mid January, I was overtaken by feelings of dread and despair. Don’t get me wrong, I love any holiday that involves candy and cute stuffed animals, but not when it comes to Valentine’s Day.

It just so happens that every year I am conveniently single when Valentine’s Day rolls around, and I am stuck frantically looking for someone to be with or something to do on the holiday so that I don’t end up spending the night alone watching Netflix with my cat. Not only do I spend the holiday alone, but each year I walk downstairs in the morning to find a gift from my dad sitting on the kitchen table. Another cheap box of chocolates and some sort of stuffed animal holding a plush heart―not exactly the Valentine I was hoping for. Of course I love my dad and my cat, but they are not what I envision when I think of Valentine’s Day. I think of couples on dinner dates with a box of chocolates on the table, not another day at school and another night alone. Obviously I know the holiday isn’t only meant for couples, and it can be celebrated in a variety of ways, but the stigma that surrounds the holiday always seems to trigger my feelings of impending doom starting the second I see the colors pink and red in January.

It always begins so early, holiday preparation. The other holidays I don’t mind celebrating months in advance, but Valentine’s day is different. Before the clock strikes midnight on New Years, it seems as if there are workers filling isles with oversized teddy bears and overpriced boxes of chocolates. It happens every year, and every year I am not prepared. I am not prepared for the romantic movie trailers, the couples on commercials or the marketing in stores. The holiday practically throws love into the face of the viewer, but this year I’ve been preparing. This January, I have made it a tradition to watch at least one mushy romance movie a week in order to prepare myself for the literal mushy romance that will be reality on Valentine’s Day. I have made plans a month in advance to subdue my feelings of loneliness as the holiday approaches. The chosen activity, a romance movie with two of by best friends, because what could be better than that? After the constant anticipation and expectation surrounding the dreadful holiday, I’ve found that the only way to truly prepare is to surround myself with the one thing the holiday is all about, love.

Believe me though, I love love. It can be an amazing thing, but it also sucks. And even if you are in a relationship, you have to admit it sucks being single and seeing cute couples gaze into each other’s eyes while the only thing you have to gaze into is a double scoop of mint chocolate chip ice cream (it’s ok, we’ve all been there). But honestly I don’t mind. After all, mint chocolate chip ice cream has never broken my heart.